I Quit

Quitters never win, but fuck it, I quit anyway.

Smoking, that is. Put out my last cigarette last night. Wearing a patch today. It's going surprisingly well so far, in spite of bouts of dizziness (which are decreasing in frequency and severity even as the day goes on).

Once was a time I really enjoyed smoking. Hasn't so much been that way in a while. Whatever I was getting out of it that made me feel good isn't really there any more, so the time is right; I am ready. As ready as I'll ever be, anyway. But there's more to it than just being ready. I found myself spontaneously listing why I don't want to be a smoker anymore, but can't really think of why I might want to continue to smoke. A sample of the reasons I want to quit:

• My kids. The #1 factor associated with youth tobacco use is parental tobacco use. 'Nuff said.
• My girlfriend. Lady Moz is an ex-smoker. Hasn't smoked in 11 years or so, but I can see her struggle sometimes with the urge when we're together. Eventually that would have to wear on someone, causing her not to want to be around me any more. Having her in my life is WAY more important than having cigarettes in my life, so I'm not willing to let it get to that point. Now, the next time she sees me, there will be no cigarettes, no smell of cigarettes, no temptation to wear on her. Best part, she has never brought it up, never pressured me to quit. I came to the conclusion that this reason was important all on my own.
• Control. Gawd, if there's one thing I can no longer tolerate, it's feeling like I'm not in control of my life. Smoking makes me feel... not "out of control," but not "in control." Like so many of the daily decisions I make, so many of the things I do, are governed by my ability to smoke. Where can I smoke? When can I smoke? Do I have enough smokes to get me to a place or time when I can have more? Not to mention I feel completely descriminated against in a state where smokers are treated as second-class citizens. I swear the American Smoker is the only group that it's not only legal, but fashionable, to descriminate against. But that's a topic for another day.
• Money. This can easily diverge into that "topic for another day," too, so I'll say simply that I got tired of getting gouged and raped by the government because I chose (notice the past-tense) to smoke. So fuck them and their phantom day-care plans, I'm not paying those taxes any more. There are only two ways that I can avoid paying thier stupid taxes, and that's to steal cigarettes or quit smoking. As I firmly believe that breaking the law is not an option when I don't agree with it, option #1 doesn't apply. Fortunately, I have a way to avoid the stupid taxes without breaking the law.
• I don't feel good. I'm fat and unhealthy. I get winded crossing the street. I have frequent headaches and allergy / sinus problems. I really want that to stop. I want to be able to start exercising, feeling confident that an inability to breathe won't halt me 3 or 4 minutes into it. I did quit smoking once, about 15 years ago, for about a year. I remember feeling better during that time. I want that back.
• Everyone keeps telling me I can't taste or smell. I certainly thoroghly enjoy the sensory perception of food, both taste and smell, right now. I'm a foodie, and the right food can make me forget there are other people around. If those sensory experiences will be hightened by not smoking, then DAMN, count me in!

So, anyway, there you have it. I don't smoke any more. I.don't.smoke.any.more. New mantra. Count me out, I quit.