The Plagiarist's Corner, vol. 26: Slap and Tickle

Slap and Tickle
by Squeeze

She was frigid like a bible
When she met her boyfriend, Michael
He took her in his Zephyr
They sat like salt 'n pepper

Looking out across the city
From Lover's Leap is pretty
The lights, they flick 'n flutter
He told her how he loved her

Next night he called for her
But dad protected daughter
And told him she was poorly
A lie was told there, surely
So Michael felt rejected
This wasn't quite expected
He drove off to his local
Where he felt antisocial

She cried all night at missing
The boy she could be kissing
While he was falling over
He drunk himself back sober
And went home in a taxi
And crashed out in the back seat
He slept just like a baby
Which he hadn't done just lately

He saw her in the morning
Out with his sister, Pauline
She felt all shy and soppy
He acted cool and cocky
He said, "Tonight at Charlie's,
There's gonna be a party.
I'll meet you at half seven."
She visualized a heaven

If you ever change your mind
Which you do from time to time
Never chew a pickle
With a little slap and tickle
You have to throw the stone
To get the pool to ripple

That night they danced together
It looked like love forever
He put his hand on her leg
You should have heard what she said
He tried again much later
It seem to aggravate her
He drove home in silence
Avoiding more violence

She said, "Let's watch the city,
From Lover's Leap, it's pretty.
I think I need the fresh air."
She put a comb through her hair
That's when she turned to kiss him
Then very nearly missed him
And put her hand on his leg
He felt her tongue in his head

If you ever change your mind
Which you do from time to time
Never chew a pickle
With a little slap and tickle
You have to throw the stone
To get the pool to ripple